Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
