Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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