i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
