i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
