I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
