I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
