This is not my ceiling
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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