can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
