i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
