Sponge bath it is.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
