obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
