Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
