So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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