Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
