you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
