You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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