You're so nebulous sometimes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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