i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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