I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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