if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
