i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
