I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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