I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
