Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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