I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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