i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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