I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize