I'm going to jail i love you
I just cut my nipple shaving
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
