ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
