Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
