No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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