Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
