I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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