omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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