3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
