mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
