my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
