You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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