She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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