hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
