I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Even my vagina gasped.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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