we have pet lesbian snakes
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize