I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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