By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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