Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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