you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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