Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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