Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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