UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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