Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
