atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
