so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
