Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
