I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
