wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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