You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
