If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
