she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
