Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
