hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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