You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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