the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
