dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
