There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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