i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
