It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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