i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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