hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
