He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
