who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
