My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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