she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
