evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
