and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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