then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
