can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
